The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
