You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize