your parents love me but you hate me
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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