I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
