My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
