Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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