my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just high enough for therapy.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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