so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
