I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
