someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
