Little spoons don't ask big questions
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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