I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
