This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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