I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
