I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
