I could have mohawked her pubes.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
