Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize