Pappa wants mamma naked
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
