3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
