Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
