I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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