I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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