my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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