ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
