If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
