loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I didn't notice because vodka
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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