She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He better not be in your backpack
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
