you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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