He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
