Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
