C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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