the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
How's work?
Spinning.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
not ubering you a puppy
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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