I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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