Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So vagazzling was a success
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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