im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
