He is like the real live version of the state fair..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
