I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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