I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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