pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
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