I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
sex in a hospital.. check
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
