No stitches, just platelets and will power
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
