i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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