Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
