my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
