You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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