I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
