he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
