A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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