just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize