My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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