She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
third nipple confirmed
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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