You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
