And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
