He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
