I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Congratulations! We have a period
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
