gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
