Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
