6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
