hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
