If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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