did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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