After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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