My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
