if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
