Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
