About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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