A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I can't turn off my feet"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
