i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
