we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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