drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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