i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Randomize
